Pastors build cathedrals that look so warm and inviting. Chandeliers hang in the foyers, royal colors hang from the windows and bathe the floors, and crown molding dotes the top of every 12 foot wall. The vision should bring a feeling of invitation to mind. However, when I see all of that, I wonder where the "Grand Opening Sale" sign will hang. I wonder how the money spent on such gallant decorating really furthers the Kingdom in any way. I'm not to judge a book by its cover am I? Ok, let's consider the product that emergers from such Sunday morning marketing.
I don't know that I will ever understand how people can spend hour upon hour, week upon week, year upon year listening to sermons, reading books on theological topics, engaging in discussions on how to better serve and worship and still not be transformed into any better of a human being than what they were when the first walked through the stained-glass doors.
I'm very close to jumping off the ledge of decision that none of it is real because I haven't seen much long-lasting difference in many participants' lives. Being "Christlike" seems to be the forever unobtainable dangling carrot that none of us can ever reach. God looks on the inside, not One who judges the outside, right? In all honesty, how different are any of us, deep down in the darkest corner of our souls, than when we first began? If we are truly being transformed, I would imagine that dark corner wouldn't dictate our every movement, action and reaction.
Without question, this week has not been a great one. In the midst of dealing with regular life stresses, I am not in the best places with one of my closest relationships. Fingers point and tempers rise. We're supposed to be showing Christlike behavior, are we not? Do we? Not exactly.
My head is not sane at the moment so my muscles have decided to take over and work from memory to give my brain tissue a break. But in times of reflection, when my matter does reach up for air, the only thoughts that come to a summation are: "If this stuff is real, why does nothing seem to change?"
Show me a person in an argument that maintains kindness. Show me a person in the midst of heartbreak that maintains hope. Show me a person in the midst of distress that maintains patience. At that point, you will show me someone that reflects this pursuit of Christlikeness as being obtainable. Until then, I don't think I'm buying.
7 comments:
I hear you and can understand how that would appear true. Just remember, we all do fall short as you have stated, there is no doubt. The key is to pick ourselves up and try again. The hope is that the next test we do a bit better and the one after that a bit better....like you I question all you stated, but deep down I know I am a tad better for reading and listening to the word...it's those dang building and the people that are the challenge....Ha, so where does that leave us? I'm laughing so not to cry.
Anyone that worships like you has had great cleansing and changeing..no way to avoid it. The sad part is that the devils constant revealing how far we have to go and magnifing how dreadful of beings we are, voiding out all good within us and others....some times we believe him.. Don't, there is good and bad in all, see the good.
Love your Beef-O-Brady's friend.
S
I agree that we should strive to see the good in all situations. Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God. The purity of soul is that key that allows us to see God in situations at which many would shake their heads.
However, at what point does, "look for the good" cross the line into enablement? When does it become permission for the active avalanch to continue crushing down on people's lives?
At some point, believing God is still God, but walking away from the source of struggle is inevitable.
Love those Beefs fries!
Hi Michelle,
Its certainly hard to understand, but remember we see through a glass darkly now and one day we will see clearly... But I hear you - I dread that day in some ways because of my own failings... I don't want people to see my dark corner clearly either... Keep praying for me that I become what HE wants and I'll pray for you too!
Robin
wow. i hear your heart "one voice". i'm not sure how far we are getting at attaining Christlikeness. like you said we hear teh sermons day in and day out and yet... makes you wonder. i myself am in a bit of a pit right now playing with a lot of the questions you have posed. i'll call it my "bewildered road to enlightenment". i'm a bit shocked that i've devoted a good part of my life to doing God's service and yet i have ALL these unanswered questions and doubt that are now surfacing. you know- those deep questions that if the "right-wrong" fellow believer heard they'd think you'd backslidden and left the Lord. you know : ) well i'll say this much, i'm not in a place where i need/want to hear pacifying comments like "hold on your blessing is right around the corner" or better yet "let go and let God" aughhh! but in reading your blog i guess the blessing in all this is that lives are being changed right before us- doubting believers (i'd rather use that term than Christian)as we live, breathe and doubt : ) there are those arounbg us that are observing how, what and who we live for. even in our unbelief He still lives in us- doubting and all : ) thanks for sharing your heart. ironically i'm encouraged knowing i'm not the only one posing the same questions.
i wonder if you've found any examples like this since you've written it? either in people you have met since, or in yourself?
oftentimes i find that we(humans in general) are very much the same in the darkness of our inner beings. the difference comes from being honest or dishonest about it. bringing light into the corners, or keeping them hidden in darkness. i know this was the beginning of process for me. seeing and feeling these same things.
why does this place and these rituals not change anyone? why can we not speak about what is inside of us? why do i need to pretend to be someone other than who i am to be acceptable? why is your churchy "unconditional love" VERY conditional? why is no one here changing? why are we asking the same questions AGAIN? why aren't people asking any of their own questions? how come no one gives a shit or is noticing how i am getting railroaded by leadership? and why are they listening to the lies of the bastards who are doing it as though sunshine comes out of their asses?
we could go on and on here. the only thing i was finally able to come to was that i needed to stop waiting for everyone else to change. if i wanted something to be different, well, then i needed to be different and not worry about whether or not anyone else was changing. that is them.
this is me. and i like me.
yes. along with the fear of God realizing the only power we have is to ourselves ... IS the beginning of wisdom!
many blessings on your journey : )
jOn -
Today has been a day very much like the one in which I wrote this post originally. Funny how things keep circling back. Not funny "haha" but funny as in - how fucked up.
I do agree that we're all rotten to the core and the difference is in our being willing to be honest about it. I am trying very hard, in my own failures, to own up to them, apologize, not make any promises to "be better" but simultaneously try very hard to be better. I also agree that we can ask the same questions for the rest of time and not get anywhere; real change begins with me. It's a tough job. It's much easier to point the finger outward, isn't it? Can't we just keep playing that game?
Apparently not -- if we want to grow at all, that is.
I'm glad you like you. I hope one day to say that I like me. Some days I do; most days I don't.
jo - Thanks for stopping by. I don't think we've met but I'm happy to have you here. Welcome!
Michelle
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